Embittered

Your face still lingers in my mind, your scent, your touch, your voice, your lips are still stuck somewhere in my brain. I still long for those. There are times that I subconsciously imagine those nights that we were together, full of passion, emotion, caress, hopes and promises; but as my mind shifts to reality, those things turn into thorns that slowly deepening in my heart. Those nights were over, and the saddest part is, I can’t get over you. I wanted to hate you but I can’t. I wanted to smile whenever I think of you but instead, I weep.

Fate has a bizarrely sadistic sense of humor. Our paths crossed once more. When I saw you I felt a sudden pain in my soul, as if I died that moment. I wanted to walk away but my legs are numb, then you saw me and walked towards me, smiling and waving. You are fu*king okay, and your aura projected strongly happy energy. You talked to me as if we were long time friends who met again after a decade, but for me, I can’t hide my emotions. As I talked, my voice trembled and my heart beats harder and faster than usual, as if it would burst out of my chest. A rueful experience that I wish I didn’t have.

I wanted to smile but tears flowed from my eyes. I wanted to show you that I’m okay but I can’t. I wanted to hug you but I’m badly hurt. I missed you but I wish I didn’t see you. I hate you but I love you more.

For the past months I was hoaxing with myself. Trying to act like I’m okay, that I enjoy the freedom that you granted me. I’m happy because I’m free but deep inside, my heart is bleeding, because the truth is when you set me free I refused to let go, I’m still embracing the chain that was once locked in my legs. I don’t want to let go even if it’s starting to kill me emotionally.

I don’t know, I think I’m starting to like being hurt by your memories, enjoying the feeling of fusion of hate and love. A masochist, I’m starting to be and it’s because of your broken promises, promises that I know I shouldn’t believe on, but you were so damn good at it. I was like a kid who believed in the surreal world that you created for me. A world full of lies but I chose to stay.

Thank you for giving me a chance to experience the bitter-sweet feeling of love and for teaching me to embrace pain, but you forgot one important thing…

…teaching me how to escape from this melancholy.

Pssssst! Choice to venture to the unknown..

We are all afraid of losing something that we already have. Mainly, because we don’t want to venture on the path that we are unfamiliar with; afraid of going outside our boxes and our safe zones. Who wants to go back from zero, surrender all the things that they have and do what they really want? Well most of us is contented in what we have, holding firmly and doesn’t want to let go, mediocracy. We are surrounded and governed by mediocre people and since childhood we are brainwashed to firmly embrace the things that we have, this is the world that we are living in, where change is absurdity, a social suicide.

The things that we are afraid to lose will definitely anchor us from moving forward. Little do we know that losing it will make us do the things that we thought that we can’t do even in our dreams and it will make us stronger than before and this will be the key to our own success and for our well-being, a start in living our life successfully.

Many people are not ready to take this path, and along the way whether we are ready or not, we will meet people and circumstances that will help us or force us to venture to unfamiliar places. These could bring us pain, failure and the most rueful experience; it’ll squeeze even the last drop of our patience and sanity, and from there you are on your own either chooses to move forward or to stop and accept that your fate is to be a failure. You have to choose your path carefully because the moment you have your first step there is no turning back.

Our future depends on what we do now. Every decision that we make will shape it. Do not be afraid to venture to the unknown because you’ll never know what you are capable to do unless you have enough courage to take the risk and be radical.
This will make us realize that we have the power to shape our destiny, and success is a choice and not a chance.

See yah.