Your face still lingers in my mind, your scent, your touch, your voice, your lips are still stuck somewhere in my brain. I still long for those. There are times that I subconsciously imagine those nights that we were together, full of passion, emotion, caress, hopes and promises; but as my mind shifts to reality, those things turn into thorns that slowly deepening in my heart. Those nights were over, and the saddest part is, I can’t get over you. I wanted to hate you but I can’t. I wanted to smile whenever I think of you but instead, I weep.
Fate has a bizarrely sadistic sense of humor. Our paths crossed once more. When I saw you I felt a sudden pain in my soul, as if I died that moment. I wanted to walk away but my legs are numb, then you saw me and walked towards me, smiling and waving. You are fu*king okay, and your aura projected strongly happy energy. You talked to me as if we were long time friends who met again after a decade, but for me, I can’t hide my emotions. As I talked, my voice trembled and my heart beats harder and faster than usual, as if it would burst out of my chest. A rueful experience that I wish I didn’t have.
I wanted to smile but tears flowed from my eyes. I wanted to show you that I’m okay but I can’t. I wanted to hug you but I’m badly hurt. I missed you but I wish I didn’t see you. I hate you but I love you more.
For the past months I was hoaxing with myself. Trying to act like I’m okay, that I enjoy the freedom that you granted me. I’m happy because I’m free but deep inside, my heart is bleeding, because the truth is when you set me free I refused to let go, I’m still embracing the chain that was once locked in my legs. I don’t want to let go even if it’s starting to kill me emotionally.
I don’t know, I think I’m starting to like being hurt by your memories, enjoying the feeling of fusion of hate and love. A masochist, I’m starting to be and it’s because of your broken promises, promises that I know I shouldn’t believe on, but you were so damn good at it. I was like a kid who believed in the surreal world that you created for me. A world full of lies but I chose to stay.
Thank you for giving me a chance to experience the bitter-sweet feeling of love and for teaching me to embrace pain, but you forgot one important thing…
…teaching me how to escape from this melancholy.
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6 komento:
"because the truth is when you set me free I refused to let go"...that's the saddest part of losing someone. However, as there is a time to let the pain penetrates you whole, sure thing there will be a time to picking up the pieces of you and move on...someday.
be strong my friend..there are a lot like you in pain in the whole wide world..you are not alone.:)
Thanks nyl... before, I missed the feeling of being in love and now i'm in love and it's hurting me. I still love that person though it has been 5 months since he set me free.
i believe time got the part on teaching the escaping part.
Punta ka sa blog ko at may libreng pagkain!
barttolina.blogspot.com
salamat!
You're NOT alone. I can relate. Sobrang Painful eh!
yeh it is. We have to endure pain to appreciate happiness...
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