Public Toilet (piso ihi ; dos tae)

Thursday, February 11, 2010

You are responsible to your own actions.

We do things impulsively and eventually regret it at the end. Is this stupidity or it's just a human instinct to do things abruptly with out thinking of the consequences along with it.

One person that is close to my heart discovered that he is sick. A kind of sickness that modern medicine hasn't find cure yet. Yes He acquired Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV).

HIV is a lenti virus a member of retrovirus that causes acquired Immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS) The virus targets the immune system; to be specific a vital cell called CD4+ T. The body tries to fight the virus by eliminating the infected CD4 cells, but the virus multiplies faster than the body's ability to replace the damaged cells. It results to drastic loss of these important immune cells, as a result the body loses its ability to fight diseases then opportunistic infections will kick in. These infections are the one's causes life-threatening complications and eventually death.

HIV can be considered as one of the chronic diseases, it's a lasting disease or medical condition that has developed slowly, life expectancy of a person that is infected by HIV is 10 to 15 years. Well at least with the help of antiviral therapy. It's a little complicated to explain due to my limited medical comprehension. What I know about this therapy is; it's goal is to maintain cd4 count to at least safe level so that the body can fight common viruses. Hmmm. just like how a diabetic injects insulin regularly to maintain normal level of blood sugar.

The most important thing to know about this medical condition is how it is acquired. It transmits through unsafe sex, contaminated needle, breast milk, transmission from a mother to her baby at birth, and once upon a time through blood transfusion which is very rare at this time. Most of the victims acquired it by exchanging body fluids through unsafe sex and the receptive partner has the higher chances acquiring the virus than the insertive partner, regardless of this using condom is the best way of lessening the chances of acquiring it, or if you can; abstinence is the best (wooohhh look who's talking).

There you have it, It can not be transmitted just by talking to HIV infected people nor holding their hands nor regular body contacts, so we don't have to cast them away. No one deserves to be sick, they didn't wish for it and having this condition is already an emotional and mental torture. What they need is understanding, acceptance and love. They are still the same person, nothing had changed.

This person, helped me more than I am trying to help him. He inspired me, and obviously he is my inspiration in writing this blog. I just feel like I should do something to help him and others by spreading the awareness about this medical condition. We can not fully understand how HIV victims feel, we can just see or sense a fraction of their suffering, I know it is not easy. just imagine your self opening an envelop that says you are HIV positive, try to imagine how would you feel, how would you react and how would you want someone to be with you and comfort you. The images of the past and the assumed future will flicker in your mind 200 frames per second and the message from the envelop will slowly sink in as the seconds come by. You'll wish that you will wake up from this nightmare and slowly you'll realize that this is reality. You'll some how regret the things that you've done but that will not help nor change your situation. Just imagine...

Let us fight HIV/AIDS, lets help spread social awareness on how this can be prevented. Help the victim by showing our support, we should stop the mediocrity and prejudices...BE EDUCATED.

see yah

Friday, January 29, 2010

Naparame na ata...

Anak ng teteng naparami na ata ang tattoo ko... Sabi ko dati isa lang... ngayon namn naparame... hahahaha

Eto na sila...

Una.


Celtic dogs... na discuss ko na meaning nyan dito sa blog ko just search...

Pangalawa


Hebrew Tattoo... it means "I am a success."

Ikatlo


Om Mani Padme Hum... prayer for the wisdom (Buddhist)

Ikaapat


Nautical Star... guide on your way safely home

Ikalima


Cresent new moon... for new beginnings...

Ayan lima na sila sa loob lang ng isa't kalahating taon... Can't promise to stop but I'll do my best.. It's quite addictive...


See yah.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Maguindanao Massacre


Kaisa ako sa mga nagluluksa para sa mga mamamahayag at iba pang biktima na walang awang pinaslang sa Ampatuan, Maguindanao.

Nawa'y makamtan natin ang hustisya, Maparusahan ang mga taong gumawa nito sa mga walang kamuwang muwang na mamamayan na nais lang ay ang magandang pagbabago para sa nakakarami.

Ito ay hindi lamang laban ng mga kaanak ng mga biktima, laban nating lahat ito.

---
cheers

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Former President Corazon Aquino



The President that has the most purest intentions for the Filipinos.

Your legacy will live forever. Thank you President Cory Aquino.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Embittered

Your face still lingers in my mind, your scent, your touch, your voice, your lips are still stuck somewhere in my brain. I still long for those. There are times that I subconsciously imagine those nights that we were together, full of passion, emotion, caress, hopes and promises; but as my mind shifts to reality, those things turn into thorns that slowly deepening in my heart. Those nights were over, and the saddest part is, I can’t get over you. I wanted to hate you but I can’t. I wanted to smile whenever I think of you but instead, I weep.

Fate has a bizarrely sadistic sense of humor. Our paths crossed once more. When I saw you I felt a sudden pain in my soul, as if I died that moment. I wanted to walk away but my legs are numb, then you saw me and walked towards me, smiling and waving. You are fu*king okay, and your aura projected strongly happy energy. You talked to me as if we were long time friends who met again after a decade, but for me, I can’t hide my emotions. As I talked, my voice trembled and my heart beats harder and faster than usual, as if it would burst out of my chest. A rueful experience that I wish I didn’t have.

I wanted to smile but tears flowed from my eyes. I wanted to show you that I’m okay but I can’t. I wanted to hug you but I’m badly hurt. I missed you but I wish I didn’t see you. I hate you but I love you more.

For the past months I was hoaxing with myself. Trying to act like I’m okay, that I enjoy the freedom that you granted me. I’m happy because I’m free but deep inside, my heart is bleeding, because the truth is when you set me free I refused to let go, I’m still embracing the chain that was once locked in my legs. I don’t want to let go even if it’s starting to kill me emotionally.

I don’t know, I think I’m starting to like being hurt by your memories, enjoying the feeling of fusion of hate and love. A masochist, I’m starting to be and it’s because of your broken promises, promises that I know I shouldn’t believe on, but you were so damn good at it. I was like a kid who believed in the surreal world that you created for me. A world full of lies but I chose to stay.

Thank you for giving me a chance to experience the bitter-sweet feeling of love and for teaching me to embrace pain, but you forgot one important thing…

…teaching me how to escape from this melancholy.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Pssssst! Choice to venture to the unknown..

We are all afraid of losing something that we already have. Mainly, because we don’t want to venture on the path that we are unfamiliar with; afraid of going outside our boxes and our safe zones. Who wants to go back from zero, surrender all the things that they have and do what they really want? Well most of us is contented in what we have, holding firmly and doesn’t want to let go, mediocracy. We are surrounded and governed by mediocre people and since childhood we are brainwashed to firmly embrace the things that we have, this is the world that we are living in, where change is absurdity, a social suicide.

The things that we are afraid to lose will definitely anchor us from moving forward. Little do we know that losing it will make us do the things that we thought that we can’t do even in our dreams and it will make us stronger than before and this will be the key to our own success and for our well-being, a start in living our life successfully.

Many people are not ready to take this path, and along the way whether we are ready or not, we will meet people and circumstances that will help us or force us to venture to unfamiliar places. These could bring us pain, failure and the most rueful experience; it’ll squeeze even the last drop of our patience and sanity, and from there you are on your own either chooses to move forward or to stop and accept that your fate is to be a failure. You have to choose your path carefully because the moment you have your first step there is no turning back.

Our future depends on what we do now. Every decision that we make will shape it. Do not be afraid to venture to the unknown because you’ll never know what you are capable to do unless you have enough courage to take the risk and be radical.
This will make us realize that we have the power to shape our destiny, and success is a choice and not a chance.

See yah.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Good thing I'm not the President.

This is the first time that I will be writing an article outside my interest. (well as you can see, my interest are movies, my pathetic love life and my favorite of all, myself). The global financial crisis; which of course affects all of us, not to mention that before this crisis we’ve been suffering from local financial crisis which the main origin is graft and corruption, is one of this example.

Yesterday, I was, as always, day dreaming when I thought of this question. How does Global Financial Crisis occur? Well based on my observations and what I’ve heard on the local news. It all began in the United States; one of the most powerful countries, then it seems like it affects the rest of the world, most specially the third world countries like the Philippines. Our economy was almost dependent on foreign investors like the United States, so do the logic. We are suffering from this crisis. We can feel it, before it’s hard to look for a job, now it’s even harder; before there are thousands of jobless Filipinos, now there are millions.

According to Google, the US is now suffering from this crisis because of dramatic increase of delinquent mortgage; People already spent their future income(credit) and they cannot pay their credits. Resulting to instability of mortgage and banking industries. (well this was my understanding of what’s happening, forgive my limited vocabulary about the subject, because my pathetic brain is not functioning well when it comes to economics –nose bleed)

So what will our government do? I heard from the news that to counter this crisis is we have to spend. Yes spend… Poor demand means lower the price. Lower the price means cost cutting (on the side of manufacturers), and it will result to mass lay-off or worst recession, we have to turn everything around. So we have to spend (this is what I’ve been doing since I had a job, but it seems like it doesn’t help the economy at all nor myself). How about the Filipinos that don’t have money at all? Here comes the government’s cash subsidy program for the so called “poor”. The big question is, cash subsidy for the financially poor people or for the poor-conscienced politicians? Either which, it will not help. We have to look for long term solutions.

So I listed down some helpful tactics to counter this crisis.

1. Add domestic helping elective in high school curriculum. We have to strengthen our major export around the world which is domestic helpers and factory workers. In this way the Philippines will have more dollar generating people, and the government officials will just sit, relax and let these poor people stress their ass working, after all a little commendations like “ikaw ang bagong bayani” will ease their pain and emotional stress.

2. Forced ligation/vasectomy of below minimum earners who have more than 2 kids. This is just one of our major problems. The poorer you are, the more kids you will have.

3. Execution of religious hypocrites. They are the reason why poor people have more kids. Children are god’s gift. Yeah a gift for you, your kids and for the whole nation to suffer. They also force us to believe that we have social responsibilities to non-productive people.

4. Summary execution of corrupt government officials. Due process will take a life time, means they will have more time to suck all the money of hard working Filipinos. Burn all of them and don’t leave even an ember of their bones.

5. Legalize prostitution; since it’s legal, prostitutes are obliged to apply for business and medical permits. Meaning more jobs, additional tax, and prevention of STD and HIV outbreaks. Because of this we will attract more tourists and again more dollars.

Good thing I don’t have the power to execute these tactics, these are just suggestions after all none of our beloved government’s tactics work. So desperate times call for desperate measures.

You can add your own tactics to help make the Philippines a better nation.

See yah.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Are you ready for this? (why emos are emos)

Love moves in mysterious ways. Well for me love hasn’t moved in anyways. I am very unsure if I had fall in love, unsure of the feeling of love.

Other said that love should be patience, understanding, complete trust, sacrifice and giving. (never thought that love is this demanding) Well my interpretation of love, based on what I had experienced in my past relationships is; demands attention and time, jealousy and paranoia, sleeping late at night, cell phone load-wasting, depression, cheesy, always in a rut and completely unproductive. Is this something that you want to deal with?

Yes, at first, you are in complete ecstasy whenever you’re with him, staring at his angelic face and shiny smile (like those in the movies). Butterflies are all over the place, roses bloom in your path ways, sky is always blue and the moon is always romantic. “The song Close to you” (…”Why do birds suddenly appear every time when you are near? Just like me, they long to be close to you…nah…nah… nah…nah…la…la…lalalala…”) seems to be the perfect song to describe how you feel.

After all of these stupid ecstatic feeling, the rain comes. It reminds you of excruciating pain that your relationship brought you. Each drop of rain on your rooftop creates a repeated sound that makes you feel like it stabs you right in your heart. Then you’ll feel numb like a frozen meat in a freezer, and you’ll curse him because he is the reason why you are in this cheesy melancholy.

Now you’ll make a pact with yourself that you’ll never fall in love again and this shall never be broken.

This whole thing will give you a short post-traumatic-depression that will make you lonesome and will leave a mark forever. Is this something that you wanted? Again ask yourself this question. “ Are you ready for this?

See yah.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Are you feeling pressured right now?

It's February, the Junior-Senior prom and Valentines season. Twenty four years of dateless nights during this rut. Everybody is busy looking for prom dates and thinking what would they wear for the night. Well it should be special and stunningly elegant. Just to show to their colleagues how superior they are, in terms of their physiques and pretty faces. Ironically these people are zombies. If a mad scientist would open their skulls to assess their brains the findings would be slightly used, and if you sell it to ukay-ukay bargains, it will worth a fortune.

Some people say that high school is fun and memorable because of this much awaited event in your junior and senior years. Yeah right, it's memorable but definitely not fun, at least for a loner, bully-magnet, geek (okay not so geek) mongoloid kid like I were in high school, no dates in prom nights. In fact I never had a girl friend nor kiss anyone in high school. I even thought before that someone mistakenly place a superior soul in an ugly duckling, pathetic and geeky-structured body.

Everyone is hooked with this Valentines fever, seems that having a date during these times is compulsory. Everybody dreads to be alone, I cant see the logic why. Then there is the Lovapalooza where participating couples kiss simultaneously for few minutes to beat its own record and a cliche of course, express their love to their partners. To join in this event you and your partner will be given two forms, one clearly states for "female" and another one is for "male". It obviously states that this event is not for same sex relationships. Well the essence of love is understanding and accepting the person regardless of his religion, status, gender or wahatsoever. So it was never successful ever since it started. It didn't achieve its true objective.

Then there's one big question for singles like me.Valentines Day is coming...Are you feeling pressured right now? My answer is, "the hell I care!"

How about you? Are you feeling pressured right now?

See yah!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I love my childhood best friend.


I was searching for an indie film entitled "Serbis" by Brilliante Mendoza when i tumbled on "Sikil" so I watched it instead. The film is all about childhood best friends, Enzo and Adong. Some will mistakenly thought that this was a bizarre love triangle because of Melay. Andong seems to have a crush on her since they were young, and eloped when they're teenagers. However, for me Melay is just a spice on their relationship, I think Adong doesn't really love Melay. His feelings for her was just imperative since they live in barrio. He doesn't have any idea on same sex relationships and on the latter part it was purely obligatory.

The screen play and director's interpretation of the story was good. He introduced the characters in flash backs so you would know who's who. Though it was a primeval style for movies; he gave justice to it, unlike for other movies who used the same style which looks ordinary.

When Ken Escudero (Enzo) decided to live apart from his family, he found out that his dad, Dido dela Paz know that he has feelings for his best friend and he wanted to go to Manila because of him. His mom Sylvia Sanchez was one of the best supporting actress in this movie. The confrontation was very realistic because of her, it was full of emotions but when I was about to get carried away and forget that I was just watching a movie, Ken Escudero suddenly reminds me that it was just a scene because of his awkward delivery of the script. It was like he's doing a monologue in an amateur Mr. Pogi contest.

Adong, portrayed by Will Sandejas, on the other hand, acts fairly. He looks like Sanjo Marudo but a better actor. Adong the naive with an extra L endowment, used his gift to survive and provide meds for his sick daughter. His path came across with Gerry (Ethan Javier) his first customer, who introduced him the bath house world.

Enzo and Adong meet again in the bath house where they both work as a performer and a male escort. Enzo took his chance and invited Adong with his daughter to live with him in his apartment. They look like a happy family, it seems like everyday is happy Sunday morning, wherein Enzo cooks breakfast for his partner and their daughter (Atleast in Enzo's thoughts). I wasn't sure if Adong feels the same way or he just treats Enzo as his best bud, though he often acts as a partner for Enzo.

Finally, Enzo had gathered enough guts, after Melay came in the picture and asked Adong to live with her in the US together with their daughter, to reveal the obvious to his one and only love, Adong. Adong's reaction was of course as expected, was in denial. Though you can say that he feels the same way for his best bud. After the revelation, Adong came back to Enzo to affirm his feelings for him, not by words but by unspoken passion. The love scene was bursting with love, passion, care, longing and emotion. It was aesthetically choreographed and I can say Ken Escudero is a good actor after all, just don't give him a dialog. Every not-so-man will surely relate to the love scene, and their imagination will be triggered. (if not, at least on my part)

At the end, they apart ways. Enzo went back to his family and Adong accepted Melay's offer to start their life in the US. It's not a happy ending for a love story but the director used a different approach, and he made it a feel-good movie.

Over all I love this movie very much, this was one of the best Indie Film I've ever seen (well at least in my indie film-review-writing-career), full of love, passion and hatred, the love scenes were well executed . Ken's acting can be improved and with Adong, a little practice will do, and he'll be the next Coco Martin. I must give credit to its Director, Roni Bertubin and the writing credits to Romualdo Aveldanosa. Apir!

See yah.

Friday, January 16, 2009

40 Tips for a Better Life - 2009

I was busy these past few days, ooops, honestly laziness is sucking all my energy out. Luckily my friend sent me an e-mail with a subject 40 Tips for a Better Life - 2009, So I took some time to absorb its contents, and I'm re-posting it for you guys, this will help. I think it is a compilation of famous words of wisdom from Chinese philosophers like Confucius, Tao, Tzu (who is he?)and you know who they are... I so love the no. 27, I'm not one of those gossip peeps but I've been applying it in my life for you should live and let live. Take a time to meditate on these and you'll live a healthy and happy life. Life is to short to be wasted. Enjoy it.


1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. Buy a DVR and tape your late night shows and get more sleep.

4. When you wake up in the morning complete the following statement, 'My purpose is to __________ today.'

5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.

6. Play more games and read more books than you did in 2008.

7. Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.

8. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of six.

9. Dream more while you are awake.

10. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants. Eat less food that is manufactured in plants.

11. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, wild Alaskan salmon, broccoli, almonds & walnuts.

12. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

13. Clear clutter from your house, your car, your desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, or issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

15. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that
appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

16. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

17. Smile and laugh more. It will keep the NEGATIVE BLUES away.

18. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

20. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

21. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

22. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

23. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

24. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

25. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, wills this matter?'

26. Forgive everyone for everything.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. REMEMBER GOD heals everything.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change

30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

33. The best is yet to come.

34. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

35. Do the right thing!

36. Call your family often. (Or email them to death!!!)

37. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: I am thankful for __________.Today I accomplished _________.

38. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

39. Enjoy the ride. Remember this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

see yah.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Holiday gift for my self...



I am very fascinated in Celtic designs, one of these is the Celtic dog. Had it done last Dec 19, I am very happy of the result.

"The dog animal symbol also maintains a pure root meaning throughout time and culture. That meaning is loyalty, of course. Man (and woman's) best friend, the dog symbolizes the strong bond of companionship felt between human and animal.

The dog was considered to be good luck in the village, and as such, the symbol of the dog was commonly found in Celtic d├ęcor, clothing, etc. There are reports that the dog symbol is a harbinger of good health. More likely, the dog's companionship warded away the illnesses loneliness and rejection cause."
(article from http://www.whats-your-sign.com/Celtic-animals.html)

The Artist did an excellent art work... Wonderful.

Sin City Tattoos.
<----- check out their blog-crib.

It was a fulfilling moment seeing the end result of this art work. It's just like a different me a new me. I always wanted to have a tattoo but can't find someone to be trusted to do the job. Since I'm a tattoo virgin I'm a little anxious when the artist is preparing his equipment. I also read the waiver 5 times before I signed it. I also had gazillion questions during the briefing. What are the precautions when you have a tattoo, what are the things to be done after the ritual, what if, when will, blah blah blah. Despite of tons tons of questions the artists answered it full-heartedly, with out any signs of annoyance. They also told me what will the tattoo look like after 10 to 20 years. They are very professional and yet very friendly, They're like talking to a kid who visited a dentist for the first time.

The ritual lasted for 2 hours, an hour for the actual tattooing and an hour for the briefing and reading the waiver. It wasn't painful than I anticipated. I gathered all of the story that my friends told me when they had their first tattoo, so I was expecting that it will be excruciating, and I was disappointed because that doesn't hurt that much. It was like an ignite-r of a lighter repeatedly tickling your skin.

"Pare sana nagpa-henna ka nalang" (you should've tried henna tattoo instead)one of the client suggested, senselessly. I gave him a grimace "duh! hennas are for babies" I silently uttered while giving him a rolling eyes. Hihihihi! Got my tattoo brotha. hehehehe Joke. I always find it sexy to have a tattoo, well of course if it's beautifully done, like Angelina Jolie's tattoos.

I don't blame other people who loathed the one's who has tattoos. It's just a matter of choices and you choose not to have one, and us, we simply have an eye for art. Joke! Kidding aside, Its' just that we have different perspectives towards things like this one, and when we learn to respect each other regardless of the belief, race, sexuality and religion. We will all live a peaceful and happy life.

Have a happy holiday and Prosperous New Year!
see yah.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Safe sex

Habang naglalakad ako sa lobby ng PUP Main campus,napatingin ako sa photo exhibit na hindi ko alam kung para saan. Parang may pwersang nagtulak sakin na tignan ang bawat larawan na naka exhibit. Nasa kalagitnaan na ako ng na-realize ko na ang mga taong may sakit sa larawan ay ang mga HIV/AIDS victims. Nakita ko hindi lamang ang paghihirap nila dulot ng karamdaman pati na rin ang paghihirap nila na makihalubilo sa kapwa at kung pano nila gugugulin ang nalalabi nilang oras at ang pakikipag laban nila na mamuhay ng normal. Nakakabilib, nakita ko sa larawan ang pagsusumikap nilang mabuhay para sa mga mahal nila sa buhay, makikita rin sa kanilang mga mata na tangap na nila ang kanilang kalagayan kahit na hindi kaila sa kanila na wala ng lunas ang sakit na ito.

Naantig ako sa babaeng inaalagan ang kanyang asawa sa abot ng kanyang makakaya, mahal pa rin niya ito sa kabila ng kalagayan nito, ni hindi na makakilos at payat na payat. Nakita ko rin ang isang batang wala pang kam'wang m'wang na may sakit ding HIV/AIDS. Sa kabila nito bakas parin sa mukha niya ang kasiyahan at ang pagsisikap niyang makapagaral. Ang pinaka nantig ako ay sa mag-asawang parehas may HIV/AIDS. Mahal na mahal nila ang isat't isa, lalo na yung lalaki, makikita ang pagiging mabuti niyang asawa at ama sa isa nilang anak na mapalad na hindi nakuha ang sakit. Kahit na alam niyang nahawa siya sa aasawa niyang HIV positive. Makikita dito ang tunay at wagas niyang pag ibig sa kabiyak sa kabila ng pagkakaroon din niya ng HIV/AIDS dahil sa kanya.

Nang matpos kong makita lahat ng mga larawan; naantig, natakot, at nainspire ako. Sa kabila ng kanilang karamdaman, nagsusumikap pa rin silang mabuhay sa tulong ng mga taong nagmamalasakit sa mga kagaya nilang biktima ng sakit na ito. Nakakatuwang isipin na may mga taong naiintindihan ang kanilang karamdaman at tinutulungan sila sa abot ng kanilang makakaya. Kahit ang iba dito ay hindi nila ka-ano-ano. Mahirap ang magkaroon ng ganitong karamdaman, mahirap isiping may sakit ka na hindi na malulunasan, para kang isang kandilang unti-unting inuupos ng karamdaman, unti unti kang manghihina at babagsak ang iyong katawan na mistulang punong kahoy na untiu-nting nalalanta at natutuyot, mahirap din ang pakiramdam na dahil sa kakulangan ng inpormasyon pinandidirihan sila ng ibang tao. Msakit itakwil ng kapwa mo dahil sa sakit na ito, subalit sa kabila ng mga ito, pilit pa rin nilang itinataguyod ang kanilang buhay, ang iba namay ibinabahagi sa ibang tao ang mga karanasang ito. Iminumulat ang kaalaman ng mga tao tungkol sa sakit na ito, ipinapaliwanag nila kung saan at papaano nakukuha ang ganitong sakit. Nakakatakot para sakin dahil isa sa dahilan ng pagkalat nito ay ang pakikipag talik na walaang proteksyon. Hindi ka pala magigi sigurado sa kahit na kaninong tao at kahit sa sarili mo, ito ang isa sa nagturo sa akin na kung gaano kahalaga ang "safe sex"

see yah

##########################
ang artikulong ito ay isinulat ko noong February 19 2005. my entry for world AIDS DAY (pahabol)

Friday, November 28, 2008

For you. (the original entry)

"I know I wounded you so deeply and the trauma that it caused you will never be disremembered, and I promise you, this will be the last.."

I am being selfish, and I know I shouldn't be.

I feel like i'm being taken for granted, I know you have many priorities and I'm not even at the least. We've talked about this many times but then nothing happened. I'm still not in your list of priorities. Yes! I am demanding it! but you didn't heed, however I understand you, I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds you back from giving me what I demand.

Remember when I first said "i love you"? You replied "Thank you!". Still, I hold on to that, I understand how you feel that time, and I know that it is may fault. I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds back those three special words to be uttered.

I asked you of our status and you told me that you are not ready for a commitment. You kept me hanging for a month, but then I tried to hold on, because I understand you, I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds you back from trusting me.

There are times that I needed someone to talk to, but you were no where to be found. You didn't even bother to ask how am I doing or how is it going. I felt alone but I understand you, I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds you back from caring for me.

I understand you! All of these things are my fault and I am the one that should be blamed. You were always caring and thoughtful but I never appreciated it. I was so idealistic to look for something that you don't have. I was blinded by my touchstone and failed to see the beauty that you possess, kindness that you display. You tried to understand me but in return I treated you with antipathy. I was so stupid to doubt the love that you are giving, thinking that it was nothing but a game.

Now the ghost that I created in the past was haunting me, causes me to lose control of my sanity. This is where the paranoia coming from. Scared of my own footprints, scared that the things I've done will be thrown back to me. It was all my fault, I failed to appreciate you.

I am deeply in love with you Siopao. Insanely in love but I am not happy anymore...

I tried to understand you but my understanding has ended right this very moment. I can not continue what ever we have, because I can not bear the pain that I'm giving you, I know the wound that you have will leave a mark forever, and I don't want the trauma that it caused you turn into fear of loving again. The guilt is eating me, it slowly embracing my soul, and I'm starting to suffocate. I am now being strangled to death and as I desperately grasp for air, the things that I've done flashed back in to my mind. Even I, can't bear it. The pain that I've caused you doubled when it echoed back to me.

I'm like a prisoner trying to un-strangle the manacle of guilt in my soul, and the chain of pain in my heart; but as I scuffle to free my self, both are tightening up and crushing them into pieces. Like a prisoner, there's only one thing in my mind...

I want to be free...

see yah.


###########################
This entry was edited before I posted it last time. We tried to patch things up but it didn't work, so I decided to post the original entry.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

For you.

"I know I wounded you so deeply and the trauma that it caused you will never be disremembered. I will never hurt you again."

I am being selfish, and I know I shouldn't be.

I feel like i'm being taken for granted, I know you have many priorities and I'm not even at the least. We've talked about this many times but then nothing happened. I'm still not in your list of priorities. Yes! I am demanding it! but you didn't heed, however I understand you, I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds you back from giving me what I demand.

Remember when I first said "i love you"? You replied "Thank you!". Still, I hold on to that, I understand how you feel that time, and I know that it is may fault. I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds back those three special words to be uttered.

I asked you of our status and you told me that you are not ready for a commitment. You kept me hanging for a month, but then I tried to hold on, because I understand you, I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds you back from trusting me.

There are times that I needed someone to talk to, but you were no where to be found. You didn't even bother to ask how am I doing or how is it going. I felt alone but I understand you, I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds you back from caring for me.

I understand you! All of these things are my fault and I am the one that should be blamed.

You were always caring and thoughtful but I never appreciated it. I was so idealistic to look for something that you don't have. I was blinded by my touchstone and failed to see the beauty that you possess, kindness that you display. You tried to understand me but in return I treated you with antipathy. I was so stupid to doubt the love that you are giving, thinking that it was nothing but a game.

Now the ghost that I created in the past was now haunting me, causes me to lose control of my sanity. This is where the paranoia coming from. Scared of my own footprints, scared that the things I've done will be thrown back to me. It was all my fault, I failed to appreciate you.

I am deeply in love with you Siopao. Insanely in love...

...but I love my self more...

see yah.