Are you ready for this? (why emos are emos)

Love moves in mysterious ways. Well for me love hasn’t moved in anyways. I am very unsure if I had fall in love, unsure of the feeling of love.

Other said that love should be patience, understanding, complete trust, sacrifice and giving. (never thought that love is this demanding) Well my interpretation of love, based on what I had experienced in my past relationships is; demands attention and time, jealousy and paranoia, sleeping late at night, cell phone load-wasting, depression, cheesy, always in a rut and completely unproductive. Is this something that you want to deal with?

Yes, at first, you are in complete ecstasy whenever you’re with him, staring at his angelic face and shiny smile (like those in the movies). Butterflies are all over the place, roses bloom in your path ways, sky is always blue and the moon is always romantic. “The song Close to you” (…”Why do birds suddenly appear every time when you are near? Just like me, they long to be close to you…nah…nah… nah…nah…la…la…lalalala…”) seems to be the perfect song to describe how you feel.

After all of these stupid ecstatic feeling, the rain comes. It reminds you of excruciating pain that your relationship brought you. Each drop of rain on your rooftop creates a repeated sound that makes you feel like it stabs you right in your heart. Then you’ll feel numb like a frozen meat in a freezer, and you’ll curse him because he is the reason why you are in this cheesy melancholy.

Now you’ll make a pact with yourself that you’ll never fall in love again and this shall never be broken.

This whole thing will give you a short post-traumatic-depression that will make you lonesome and will leave a mark forever. Is this something that you wanted? Again ask yourself this question. “ Are you ready for this?

See yah.

Are you feeling pressured right now?

It's February, the Junior-Senior prom and Valentines season. Twenty four years of dateless nights during this rut. Everybody is busy looking for prom dates and thinking what would they wear for the night. Well it should be special and stunningly elegant. Just to show to their colleagues how superior they are, in terms of their physiques and pretty faces. Ironically these people are zombies. If a mad scientist would open their skulls to assess their brains the findings would be slightly used, and if you sell it to ukay-ukay bargains, it will worth a fortune.

Some people say that high school is fun and memorable because of this much awaited event in your junior and senior years. Yeah right, it's memorable but definitely not fun, at least for a loner, bully-magnet, geek (okay not so geek) mongoloid kid like I were in high school, no dates in prom nights. In fact I never had a girl friend nor kiss anyone in high school. I even thought before that someone mistakenly place a superior soul in an ugly duckling, pathetic and geeky-structured body.

Everyone is hooked with this Valentines fever, seems that having a date during these times is compulsory. Everybody dreads to be alone, I cant see the logic why. Then there is the Lovapalooza where participating couples kiss simultaneously for few minutes to beat its own record and a cliche of course, express their love to their partners. To join in this event you and your partner will be given two forms, one clearly states for "female" and another one is for "male". It obviously states that this event is not for same sex relationships. Well the essence of love is understanding and accepting the person regardless of his religion, status, gender or wahatsoever. So it was never successful ever since it started. It didn't achieve its true objective.

Then there's one big question for singles like me.Valentines Day is coming...Are you feeling pressured right now? My answer is, "the hell I care!"

How about you? Are you feeling pressured right now?

See yah!

For you.

"I know I wounded you so deeply and the trauma that it caused you will never be disremembered. I will never hurt you again."

I am being selfish, and I know I shouldn't be.

I feel like i'm being taken for granted, I know you have many priorities and I'm not even at the least. We've talked about this many times but then nothing happened. I'm still not in your list of priorities. Yes! I am demanding it! but you didn't heed, however I understand you, I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds you back from giving me what I demand.

Remember when I first said "i love you"? You replied "Thank you!". Still, I hold on to that, I understand how you feel that time, and I know that it is may fault. I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds back those three special words to be uttered.

I asked you of our status and you told me that you are not ready for a commitment. You kept me hanging for a month, but then I tried to hold on, because I understand you, I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds you back from trusting me.

There are times that I needed someone to talk to, but you were no where to be found. You didn't even bother to ask how am I doing or how is it going. I felt alone but I understand you, I wounded you so deeply, and the trauma that it caused you, holds you back from caring for me.

I understand you! All of these things are my fault and I am the one that should be blamed.

You were always caring and thoughtful but I never appreciated it. I was so idealistic to look for something that you don't have. I was blinded by my touchstone and failed to see the beauty that you possess, kindness that you display. You tried to understand me but in return I treated you with antipathy. I was so stupid to doubt the love that you are giving, thinking that it was nothing but a game.

Now the ghost that I created in the past was now haunting me, causes me to lose control of my sanity. This is where the paranoia coming from. Scared of my own footprints, scared that the things I've done will be thrown back to me. It was all my fault, I failed to appreciate you.

I am deeply in love with you Siopao. Insanely in love...

...but I love my self more...

see yah.